Pirates renewed

By a dint of a god(s) angry at me, I was cajoled and bamboozled into seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 2, which, if you will remember my aversion to scalawags of the sea, thoroughly disgusts me. Which got me to thinking, why not a movie "Ninjas of the Sea of Japan"? Let's examine the benefits.

+No crappy, nonsensical dialogue. When have you ever heard a ninja talk, ever?
+Saves on film costs. Ninjas move so fast that you only have to shoot 5 minutes of film; just run it slowly to make it last TWO AND A HALF FREAKING HOURS OF AWESOME!
+Plot simplicity. Ninjas flip out and kill things. It's easy. Pirates wear too much eye makeup and all aspire to look like women. But really, inanimate objects don't need their own plotline.
+Ninjas have a sense of direction. Pirates spend TWO AND A HALF FREAKING HOURS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THEY DON'T EVER FIND.
+Ninjas have fashion sense. Black is well, the new black. Tricorner hats were stylish when Napoleon was a teenager.
+Ninjas aren't affected by that magic shit. Never heard of a ninja getting cursed? It's because they're like Jabba the Hutt in the Return of the Jedi, where he tells Luke that the Force doesn't work on him. Whatever, Davy Jones.
+It's for the children's sake. Ninjas are role models: humble, law-abiding citizens who happen to assasinate political leaders for a living. Pirates curse and drink all day and defecate off the side of stolen ships.


But of course, this movie will never happen, because it wouldn't sell so well. Ninjas are elites, and bear a mark of unpeered distinction. The ninja undergoes years of training and hides behind the shield of secrecy to learn his craft. Any drunk asshole with a peg leg can become a pirate, and apparently everyone in Pirates of the Caribbean is. And so, Hollywood is yet again subject to the whims of the unwashed masses, who would rather watch some boozy hemaphrodite than a upstanding band of black-shod ballers. I just don't get it.